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Jesy Nelson is opening up about her battle with mental health and her attempted suicide after being a target for online bullying.
In her new BBC Three documentary,Jesy Nelson: Odd One Out,the singer opens up to fans about her downward spiral following her sudden rise to fame after winningThe X Factorin 2011 as a part of the four-member British girl band,Little Mix.
Speaking toThe Guardianon Sunday about her new documentary, she recalls the day they won as “the worst day of my life.”
“I should have been on cloud nine,” Nelson told the outlet. However, the relentless online bullying had already begun before the girl band even won the popular televised competition.
During an episode ofThe X Factorahead of the finale, the band performed a cover ofNicki Minaj‘s hit “Super Bass,” and when they gathered to watch their performance on YouTube, Nelson was shocked to see the things people were saying about her online.
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“I was very naive,” she toldThe Guardian. “I thought it would be people giving their opinion on our performance. But nearly every comment was about the way I looked: ‘She’s a fat ugly rat’; ‘How has she got in this girl group?’; ‘How is the fat one in this?’ ”
She began to obsessively read every negative comment made about her online.
“I had a routine of waking up, going on Twitter, searching for the worst things I could about myself. I’d type in the search bar: ‘Jesy fat,’ or ‘Jesy ugly,’ and see what would come up,” she told the outlet. “Sometimes I didn’t even need to do that, I’d just write ‘Jesy’ and then I’d see all the horrible things. Everyone told me to ignore it — but it was like an addiction.”
“I’d starve myself … I’d drink Diet Coke for a solid four days and then, when I felt a bit dizzy, I’d eat a pack of ham because I knew it had no calories,” she toldThe Guardian. “Then I’d binge eat, then hate myself.”
“I was sat in bed crying, thinking, ‘This is never going to go, I’m going to feel sad for the rest of my life, so what is the point in being here?’ ” she toldthe BBC.
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“The only way I can describe the pain is like constantly being heartbroken. I remember going to the kitchen and I just took as many tablets as I could,” Nelson recalled of attempting suicide. “Then my ex, who was with me at the time, he woke up and was like, ‘Why are you crying?’ I kept saying, ‘I just want to die.’ ”
“There must be so many women and girls that feel not good in themselves and are struggling with mental illness, and I thought if I’ve overcome it, I want people to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel,” she toldEmily Atack, on the U.K.’sLorraineMonday morning. “For me, at that point, I really honestly felt like there wasn’t and if you’d have told me four years ago that I’d be sat here talking about it feeling stronger than ever I would never have believed you.”
And Nelson says she’s doing better than ever.
Jesy Nelson: Odd One Outwill premiere on Sept. 12on BBC.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “home” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.
source: people.com
