Few sacred cows of authoritative science fabrication stay , mostly because science - fiction fans love hallowed ground beef , but also because we are surly wad , possessed of a spot critical eye and the highest of standards .
One such metaphoric bovine , however , has hold out unsavaged by the community for nearly 30 years . That ends today .
We ’re all familiar with the traditional complaints about The Empire Strikes Back — it lacks Gungans ; there ’s too much incest yet somehow not quite enough ; “ Luke , I am your father ” is such a cliché — but unless , like me , you took three Ambien an hour ago and are still awake , you have n’t think the following .
I. Chewbacca should have fought a wampa . For three Star Wars film , we take it on faith that you do n’t require to get a Wookiee tempestuous , after he successfully threatens , uh , C-3PO . What grounds do we really see ? Chewie ping down a couple of stormtroopers , once , by surprisal , and manages to commandeer anAT - STwith some Ewoks ’ aid .
The fix : Han is gearing up to hunt for Luke . “ Sir , ” the deck officeholder state , “ the temperature ’s dropping too rapidly . ”
“ And , ” Leia adds , “ you ’ll overleap Chewie ’s cage match . ”
“ I know , ” Han answer , be given down from his tauntaun to hug his champion . “ secure luck , buddy . ” He turns to the pack of cards officer . “ And I ’ll see you in hell ! ” He bounces off . view of him searching for Luke , combat the cold , and slice open up the tauntaun while the air current howls are interlard with panorama of Chewie look for a way of life to defeat the coke freak , battling it , and slicing it clear while the crowd howls . Symmetry .
II . The bounteousness hunting watch should have struggle each other in a Bloodsport - style tourney . All those awesome fibre , and all George Lucas can give us is the non - canonTales of the Bounty Hunters , which is in Christian Bible form , make it very hard to state how everything that happens looks . In ESB , we see Bossk sneer at Boba Fett — and that ’s it . That break one of the key rules in Robert McKee’sStory : If one persona sneers at another and they do n’t discombobulate down later , the moving-picture show is ruined .
The kettle of fish : “ You are free to use any methods necessary , ” Vader says , “ but I desire them animated . No disintegrations . ”
“ As you care , ” Fett answers . He looks at the other H.M.S. Bounty hunters . “ Not that you crumbheads will have to occupy about finding them anyway . ”
Dengar bristles . “ Who are you calling a crumbhead ? ” [ Note : “ Crumbhead ” is a full Corellian insult . ] He steps to Fett .
Watch it , ” Fett say . “ My dad killed most of the Jedi . ”
There is secrecy . Finally , IG-88 say , “ That ’s quite a stretching . ”
“ Enough ! ” Vader holler . “ We will settle this in the cage . ”
III . There is only one strong woman grapheme . OK , this is a really serious vexation . Name one female person besides Leia in the original trilogy whose name does n’t commence with an M or a B. By my count , you should be leave with Jabba ’s social dancer and Sy Snootles . And none of them appears in ESB or is anything close to dynamic or well rounded . Sure , Leia is a formidable bearing by herself , but this still smacks of sexism . Eventhat pig James Bondusually encountered at least a couple of ruffianly women in every story .
The localisation : alternatively of hiding from the Imperials in the asteroid belt ammunition , Han pilots the Falcon to an out - of - the - mode planet called , like , I do n’t recognize , Sororia , maybe , ruled by a sect of violent - and very beautiful - Amazon type . Leia , sense a bond with these gallant warriors , examine to commute them to the Rebel cause . But their leader , whose name is , like , Kylissa or something , believe the Alderaanian princess is trying to usurp her index .
“ Enough ! ” Kylissa yells . “ Get the fond babe crude . We will settle this in the John Cage . ”
IV . We do n’t see enough about Lobot . I dunno , he just seems like a cool guy . When he stops short and gesture , and the Bespin sentry duty demilitarize the stormtroopers , that ’s upstanding .
The fix : Just give him a little more sieve time . Or a DVD extra . Maybe a public lecture show .
V. There are no acknowledgment to Grand Moff Tarkin . Probably some of you nitpicky nancies can find flaw in the flaws I ’ve mentioned above — WHOA META — but I hardly think you may argue this one . When a major character , particularly a very good-looking major character , dies in a movie , the sequel normally acknowledge it . It ’s misfortunate form not to .
The localization : “ The Force is substantial with him , ” the Emperor says . “ The Logos of Skywalker must not become a Jedi . ”
“ If he could be turned , he would become a powerful friend , ” Vader reply .
“ Yes . Yes . He would be a slap-up asset . Can it be done ? ”
Vader nod . “ He will fall in us or go , my master . ” He kneels , and there is a suspension . “ I leave out Wilhuff . ”
Commenter Moff ’s veridical name is Josh Wimmer , and he can usually be found atscribblescribblescribble.com/blog .
MoviesStar Wars
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